Being the Best Me II - After 34.5 Years, I Finally Get It

Written on Monday, April 20, 2009 by Deeze

After all this time, I finally understand the things my father was trying to tell and teach me.

I understand some of his struggles and vices, because I have the similar ones.
I understand the lessons he tried to teach me.
I don't understand why it took me this long and a over a year after his death to get it.
My dad was a lot smarter than I thought and I knew he was smart.

When I exercise alone, I try to focus on things other than exercising to keep me focused and not feel exhaustion and pain. This morning, I started reflecting on some of the things that I am and realized that my dad somehow orchestrated pretty much all of them. I have no idea how he knew, but I know he knew what he was doing.

As I started looking at my life and being thankful, I started realizing how my dad was used to establish some things I am. As small examples, I look at my career, although I'm not a true techie, my company is technology based, and my dad put a computer in my hands before I was 10.

I am a music loving person. I have well over 12,000 mp3's, but I look at my dad and he had stacks and stacks of albums in the basement when I was young. He wanted me to stick to playing music. He tried to establish athletics and exercise in my life, but I really didn't get it or want to do it then. Now, it's a very important part of my life. That's one of the 100s of things that I wish I would have listened to but I didn't. I remember he and my mom would argue about some of the things that he did for me. My dad's work ethic was so ridiculous, and I find myself working a lot.

In a time that everything is about and focused on women in the media, I think people undervalue and under appreciate a fathers influence. I'm guilty of that myself. As I get older, I'm starting to get it.

I understand my family now. My dad provided the means; my mom was the one that made it happen. It was a tag team. As much as my mom and dad fought, I know they had each others backs and the 3 of us functioned as a unit.

I don't know if it was planned, but being independent and fearless are two things that were preached to me at an early age. Although both of those characteristics get me in trouble in certain situations, at the same time it's one of the characteristics I'm most proud of.

As for me, I'm not getting married until, I'm 100% positive that she has my back and not a fair weather person. I have a vision for my life and my family. At the end of the day, either she's on board or not. I've visioned scenarios of my life without kids or being married, and it wasn't a bad life. However, it goes against my family's beliefs as well as against my spiritual beliefs. So I will at least try to listen to those that know more than me. I'll write more about this in a separate blog.

I think I finally get it. I wish my dad were here so I could tell him I finally get it, but somehow I believe he knew I'd get it at some point.

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